Coming Out. No, it's not what you think.
First and foremost, no - I am not gay (to quote the Seinfeld episode "not that it's a bad thing!") I am coming out to say that it is one year ago, today May 6, that my divorce was finalized. Now I know most of you would say, "Why say anything at all?" Well, the purpose behind this blog is not to give the details of my divorce but rather to offer up hope to those who possibly have gone through this or are going through it now.
This picture was taken one year ago today. I had put on a brave front and off I went to the court house with a dear friend to hold my hand. I originally thought I would go by myself but was relieved to have someone just be there for me. After the proceedings were over (quite quickly I might add) I truly believed I would have looked different or would have been a mess. Neither came true. But what I kept to myself was that I felt alone and scared. Not a great feeling when you are trying to help others be strong and fearless.
To quote Reverend Clara Moore Woodson (grandmother of Chazz Woodson:)
"My prayer for you is that you have enough disappointment to build you up. But not enough to tear you down."
When I read this, my first thought would be, "Why would anyone want to pray for disappointments? Who would want to feel pain and despair?" But now, one year later - I get it. I had a wonderful friend who said it was going to be one year later that I would start to feel better, that every day would be a step closer to healing. I can tell you now, I wanted to punch her lights out. Beat her to a pulp. Hello? A year? Yep - it really was a year. A year of firsts. Like when you lose someone close to you and the first holiday comes up without them. It is always the day before that seems worse as you begin to think, "What am I going to do without that loved one here to celebrate the holidays?" It is the same feeling.
But it does come with a price. I will not mention any one's name but I have had quite a few comments and advice that I wish were not given. Please understand, I truly believe NO ONE wants to go through divorce. Please do not say "I could NEVER, EVER go through a divorce after sooooo many years of being married!" "Why, what happened?" "Was he cheating?" "I thought you two were the perfect couple!!" "Is that why you lost the weight?" I can tell you very plainly, and to the point, either you grow old together or you don't. That's it. I am truly blessed to have wonderful, supportive, non-judgemental friends and family that have been there for me to either listen to me go on and on or let me just be with them. Instead of grilling the person going through this - how 'bout just asking them, "Are you ok" or "Do you need anything?" Anything meaning a hug, coffee or even better, a mango martini.
Ok - off my soap box. This blog was to meant to be a ray of hope to anyone going through this. I sometimes (ok, often) will smile to myself to where I was a year ago and where I am today. I made me a priority. That's right, me. That is one thing I wish I did a long time ago. Not to be mistaken for neglecting my family, I believe I did not do that, but I made time for me. Doing that now, it has been life changing.
This picture below was taken last night at my daughter's Senior Salute from high school. Funny that I had the same shirt on last year. My heart was so filled with joy, pride and hope for not only myself but for her and for all my kids. (They will always be kids to me!) I am beyond blessed to have their love and support and no one makes me laugh more than all of them. Wonder where they get their sense of humor?? Hhmmmm....
Ton o'blessings until next time.
Ton o'blessings until next time.