Should I? or shouldn't I.

            After the birth of our beautiful daughter Maria, I had developed a condition that needed major medical surgery.  Going into surgery, I had faith in my doctor and nurses that I would be fine after it was all said and done.  It wasn’t. A day or two after the surgery, the doctor said I needed a blood transfusion. Being ignorant and knowing that I already had the blood I donated for the surgery already used, I didn’t want the transfusion. The doctor calmly looked down and said, “you don’t have this blood transfusion now, in three hours your dead.”  She said would come back in ten minutes for my answer, turned and walked out the door. That was what I loved about my doctor. Cut to the chase.  Ok - Blood transfusion, death. Blood transfusion, death. I was by myself and at this point could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my head started to spin. 


                It is funny when people say they see their life flash before them because  at that point,  that is exactly what I saw. I asked myself what five things I wish I could have done in my life and didn’t. The number one thing/regret? Not contacting my father and letting him know I had done alright in my life. (The other four, another blog.) Need-less-to-say, I had the blood transfusion and all was right with the world. I got home and told my husband what I had wanted to do by trying to find my father and he nearly passed out. That was because growing up, my mother and father divorced when I was four or five, and we never spoke about my father. I respected the fact that  I knew my mom did the best she knew how raising us. I seriously prayed about contacting him for three or four months when I said I was ready. Ready to open Pandora’s box and see where this goes. 


                    I enlisted the help of my best friend Tammie who graciously offered to do research on her computer (we did not have one - it was 1997.) She called me with the good news/bad news. She had found 34 names that matched my dad in the state of Florida.  Ok, now where do we go. She gave me the list and I prayed over it and choose a name six or seven down that stuck out at me and told her, “I think this is him.” I then asked thee biggest favor a person can ask, “um…..can you call?” Being deathly frighten of rejection as that is what I felt for thirty four years, she said yes. I told her not to call until I give her the green light. I had to mentally prepare myself for her answer if it was him or not. She was so patient and eager to help. Finally after three days, I told her to call. Right after I told her it was ok, it was in the morning and I packed up all three kids and left the house immediately. I didn’t want to be around if she would call right back with bad news.  I went out for three hours and when I got back, sure enough the answering machine (yes - no cell phones then) was blinking.  It took me a while but I hit the button and all I heard was screaming. “I spoke with your dad, I spoke with your dad!” “He  was so happy and wants to talk to you! You have to call me back, now!” I nearly threw up. My head started spinning and I knew this was going to be the start of something big. Next blog - the thirty four year wait is over. Ton o’ blessings to ya until next time.